I am in the middle of a parenting crisis and it concerns the behaviour of my 8-year old son. Put simply, he won’t stop answering me back and this backchat is really getting to me – from slurs made under his breath, to constantly trying to have the final word, his mouth has got out of control.

So what’s the solution when you’re child is constantly talking back to you? Unsure of the tactics to use, I went on a mission to find out why he’s doing it and what approach I should take to stop it. Here’s what I discovered…

Why do children backchat?

Experts argue that children backtalk because they feel frustrated and powerless. When you tell them not to do something, the control has been taken away from them and their instinct is to rebel against this and test the boundaries.

They may be doing it for attention because they realise that talking back gets a reaction, even if it a negative one such as shouting or anger.

It could be that they are simply copying the behaviour of those people around them.

Backchat can also be the result of your child feeling unfairly treated.

Different forms of backchat

Backchat can take several forms. There’s the child who quite simply ALWAYS has to have the last word. There’s the child who always disagrees with your point of view and argues their own and there’s the child who simply won’t take no for an answer and will plead and plead in the hope that they will get their own way.

In all these situations the result is usually the same – the child and parent get so exhausted and frustrated that the scenario ends in an argument.

How to respond to backchat

If your child is being mildly disrespectful in their backtalk the key is not to respond at all. By responding to your child you are simply prolonging the discussion when really, you have already set the limit or made the decision in your initial statement.

Don’t see backchat as a challenge to your authority that you need to engage with. Your job is not to convince your child that your decision is the right one, it’s to get them to follow the rules.

Establish the ground rules: Choose a time when your child is in a calm mood to sit with them and discuss the ground rules. These rules could be something like:

• I will explain what I want you to do once
• I will not argue or debate with you why I have asked you to do that
• If you argue with me I will walk away
• If you do not do what you are asked there will be consequences

If their behaviour is offensive and rude then put in place a form of punishment – such as the naughty step or time out in their room, explaining to them that this sort of talk will not be tolerated.

Resist the urge to laugh at your child when they are being rude as this is a form of positive attention that will encourage them to continue their behaviour.

Watch your own behaviour.? Children learn how to respond appropriately by watching and imitating those around them. This is called modelling. The most effective way to get your child to act respectfully is to treat them with respect and also to let them see you act respectfully towards other people. Remember ‘actions speak louder than words’.

Tell your child what you want them to do in a positive rather than a negative way. So rather than saying ‘Don’t talk back to me under your breath’, say ‘It’s rude to talk about people behind their backs. Can you tell me how you feel directly please.’

When your child does what they are told the first time without answering back, be sure to praise that positive behaviour.  If you reinforce good behaviour, you will see more of it!

Be sure to listen to your child. If your child doesn’t feel they have the chance to get their point across they are much more likely to try and have the last word on the matter. Listen to their point of view once, then reinforce yours and leave it at that.

Following a winter hibernation you are probably are feeling a bit sluggish and run down and if you’re anything like me, you’ll be heavier and hairier than you’d like to be!

Now is the time to shake off the winter blues and embrace the new season and the best way to rejuvenate your body’s biorhythm is with a detox diet.

While extreme forms of detoxing are not recommended if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, a mild and natural detox diet can increase energy, reduce allergy symptoms and hormonal imbalances, improve digestion, clear sinuses, normalize blood pressure, sharpen mental ability, improve sleep, help clear skin and much more.

Modern Mum spoke to Nutritional Therapist and author Henrietta Norton for some spring detox tips. She began by saying: “Far from being a starvation diet, a spring cleanse is simply a way of lightening the load on the body and, albeit gentle, can be very deep, powerful and enjoyable.”

Here are Henrietta’s foundation tips for a spring cleanse. Try to follow the detox steps for a minimum of 28 days to reach a deep cleansing cellular level.

1. Avoid the non-nourishing foods such as sugar, alcohol and white flour products. Replace with wholegrain’s (barley, wholegrain rice, wholemeal flour, quinoa, spelt) and natural sugars (local or manuka honey)

2. Drink more filtered water, at least eight glasses although not with meals (this dilutes the digestive juices). If you can, drink this water warm by using part boiled water and part cold water. This encourages the movement of the lymphatic system as well as promoting toxic build up in the skin, kidneys and gut.

3. Start the day with a mug of hot water and the juice of half a lemon. This alkalizes the body (and therefore can break down toxic residue and ensuing inflammation) and motivates the metabolism into action for the day.

4. Use a body brush before you step into the shower each morning. Use upward strokes until you get the level of your heart and downward strokes from the head down to your heart. Don’t scrub, just gently brush. This also gets the lymphatic system moving.

5. Breakfast can be warm unsweetened stewed fruit with added spices such as ginger or cinnamon. Add some crushed linseeds and a drizzle of organic pouring yoghurt. If breakfast doesn’t take your fancy before work or the school run you could try whizzing up a detox smoothie with crushed linseeds, a banana, some berries (frozen or fresh) and some almond or oat milk.

6. Begin simple juicing to boost the rejuvenation of the body. Aim to have a juice at least once per day. Ingredients such as beetroot, cabbage, celery, apple, pear, greens such as broccoli, spinach and chard have fabulous cleansing properties.

7. Aim to eat a rainbow of colour every day. Tap into the spring energy by choosing seasonal veggies such as green leafy kale and celeriac and make great foundation stones for simple vegetable soups.

8. Enjoy the outdoors and make sure you take long walks taking in fresh spring air and soak up the greater access to vitamin D rich sunshine.

If you are pregnant or breastfeeding, talk to your nurse or doctor before undertaking any form of detox or dietary change.

For more dietary advice from nutritional therapist Henrietta Norton, visit www.henriettanorton.com

Bathing your baby for the first time in hospital, watched over by a skilled nurse is scary enough, but that first bath at home is simply terrifying!

The good news is that newborn babies only need one or two baths a week, but if they enjoy it, you can bathe them every day.  In fact, introducing a bath into a baby’s bedtime routine can help relax them in preparation for a peaceful nights sleep.

Topping and tailing

Topping and tailing is the term given to washing your baby’s face, neck, hands and bottom – something that should be done every day. If you’re nervous about fully immersing your baby in water, this is a great place to start and all you need is a bowl of tepid boiled water, cotton wool and a towel.

Choose a time of the day when your baby is awake, relaxed and unlikely to be hungry. In a warm room, gently remove their clothes, wrap them in a towel and lay them out on a waterproof changing mat – you may want to leave their nappy on until the last minute to avoid accidents!

Taking a clean piece of cotton wool for each eye, dip the cotton wool in cooled freshly boiled water and gently wash around both eyes. Using fresh cotton wool for each area, wash around their ears, face, neck and hands.  Finally take off the nappy and wash your baby’s genital area, always working from front to back. Carefully dry everywhere gently and thoroughly.

Bathing your baby

When you are confident with topping and tailing you can move on to bathing your baby – in the sink, a baby bath or even in the big bath with you!

While you don’t need to bath your baby every day, most really enjoy it and it’s a great opportunity for some bonding time together. Newborn babies are often tired after a bath too, so it can help them to sleep and baths have also been reported to help relieve a colicky baby.

In a similar way to topping and tailing, you need to make sure the timing and setting is just right. Don’t even try to bath a crying or hungry baby. Wait until she is happy and relaxed; ensure the room is warm and the water tepid (check the temperature with your wrist).

Preparation is key here, so make sure you have everything you need at hand – towels, cotton wool, clean nappy etc…

Fill the bath or sink with around 8 – 10cms of warm water (37 degrees is ideal), adding bubble bath if you choose. Now you’re ready to begin.

Take off your baby’s nappy and clean her bottom.

Lift your baby into the water with one arm behind her shoulders and neck, holding her outside arm with your hand. Place your other hand under her bottom. Once her bottom is resting on the floor of the bath, you can free that hand to wash her.

Let your baby take a few moments in the bath to enjoy the warm water. Pour cupfuls of water over your baby’s body to keep her warm. Don’t run water directly from the tap as water temperature can change suddenly.

When you are both ready, slip your free arm back under her bottom and hold her legs as she will now be slippery, then lift her out onto the towel.

Gently pat her dry. You might like to use this time to massage your baby or apply a cream or oil.

Safety first

Babies and toddlers drown silently and can drown in as little as 5cm of water. Never leave your baby unsupervised in water, even just for a few seconds.

Bringing home your new baby should be one of the most joyous days of your life but if you owned a dog before the baby was born, it can be an anxious and stressful time.

Worrying about how your dog will react to a new baby in the house is extremely common and it certainly pays to plan beforehand according to the UK Registry of Canine Behaviourists.

Welcome to the pack

“Your dog needs programming to accept a new baby into the house”, warns Lisa Graham, Press Officer for the UKRCB, “Remember, up until now, your dog has had a major share in the focus of your attention. You need to plan in advance before the baby comes home to help the dog over this transition period and to accept the new baby as part of what the dog perceives as the pack.”

Many childless dog owners have treated their pet as a child and the dog has understandably grown accustomed to this level of attention. Disruptions to a dog’s routine after the baby is brought home are a potential source of conflict as dogs like and find comfort in routines. Since they cannot understand why changes in their routines occur, many may find such changes stressful.

A dog who had never heard a baby cry, smelled a baby or seen a baby move may well wonder what it is. A crying, squirming baby may remind a dog of a small animal in distress.

Tips to help your dog adjust to your new baby:

• Before the baby arrives, carry a doll around the house so the time spent with the doll and away from the dog eventually become part of the dog’s routine.
• Play a tape of babies crying to get the dog used to the high pitched squeal of newborns.
• Borrow a pushchair to get your dog used to walking next to one. Some dogs panic if they have to walk close to wheels.
• Bring home in advance the baby’s cap from the hospital to get the dog used to the baby’s smell.
• Be sure your dog gets quality time from you after the baby has arrived. Praising the dog lavishly and often when the dog is in the presence of the baby should help with jealously of the attention the baby is getting.
• NEVER, ever, leave a dog and baby alone unsupervised.

But what if your child is screaming, crying and thrashing around in their bed, with their eyes wide open, unable to recognise you and despite your best efforts at comforting them, they remain inconsolable?

These are the common symptoms of a night terror and while they can be traumatic to witness for the parent, they don’t cause the child any harm at all. In fact, when they wake fully, they probably won’t remember a thing.

What is a night terror?

Night terrors are usually experienced by children between the ages of three and eight years old and they occur at the point where the child is coming out of a very deep sleep – so often in the first two to three hours of sleep.

A child suffering from a night terror will often scream or shout out, thrash around in state of panic or confusion and may even get up out of bed with their eyes open.

It’s important to remember that they are not fully awake and so will not recognise you, nor will they respond to any attempts you make to soothe or comfort them as they are still sleeping.  Your attempts to cuddle them may even be met with lashing fists!

A child will have no memory of their night terror when they waken as they were in a deep sleep when it happened and will have no mental images to recall.

What’s the difference between a night terror and a nightmare?

While night terrors occur at the end of a deep sleep cycle, nightmares happen during the lighter stage of sleep, usually when the child is dreaming in the early hours of the morning.

Children who have had a nightmare wake up upset and distressed but can be comforted and reassured.  When asked, the child will often be able to recall the details of their bad dream and may be reluctant to go back to sleep.

Why do children have night terrors?

Night terrors are caused by the over arousal of the central nervous system (CNS) during sleep.  It’s not entirely clear why this happens in children, but they are believed to be more common in children where there is a family history of sleepwalking or sleep disorders.

You may find that your child is more prone to a night terror if they are exhausted or unwell and so are slipping into a very deep sleep, or if they are woken from a deep sleep by a sudden noise. Sleeping in an unfamiliar environment such as a new house or hotel room can also be a trigger.

Ways to reduce the likelihood of a night terror:

-          Ensure your child is getting enough sleep and is not exhausted

-          Put in place a regular bedtime routine

-          Avoid over stimulation before bed such as TV and computer games

-          After dinner, avoid foods and drinks that are high in sugar or caffeine

-          Make sure your child is relaxed before bed – try a bath, a bedtime story and lots of cuddles

How to cope with night terrors

While it may be difficult to watch your child in a state of confusion and panic, try to stay calm and wait for the night terror to pass. Night terrors can last from just a few minutes, to twenty or thirty minutes, but usually the child will calm down themselves and return to a peaceful sleep.

Do not wake them as they may not be able to recognise you and this will add to their sense of panic.

If you find your child is having a night terror at the same time each evening you can try and break the cycle.  Waken them from their sleep ten minutes before you expect the attack and encourage them to get up and go to bathroom before settling back down to sleep. By disrupting the sleep cycle in this way you may stop the attacks without causing too much disruption to their sleep pattern.

Remember, night terrors do not do any harm to your child. However, if they are occurring on a very regular basis – daily over a period of weeks – you should speak to your GP to rule out any underlying medical causes.

There are historical accounts of baby massage being used in ancient civilizations as far back as 3,000 years ago.

The word ‘massage’ originates from the Arabic word meaning ‘to stroke’ and in India, the art of baby massage has been passed down through the generations from mother to daughter.

Although we don’t know exactly where the art of baby massage originates from, it is now practiced around the world and you’ll probably find a baby massage class near you.

Rather than the deep tissue massage that you or I might have experienced, a baby massage consists of gentle, rhythmic strokes on different areas of the baby’s body. Think of it as something you do with your baby rather than to them.

Infant massage is simple, free and can be done almost anywhere. It will take just a few minutes of your time and it offers a whole host of emotional and physical benefits for both you and baby.

You can start massaging your baby from the day they are born, but you might want to avoid taking them to baby massage classes until they are a few weeks old as the busy environment may over stimulate them.

Benefits for baby

According the Guild of Sensory Development, the physiological benefits for the infant include:

-       Strengthening the digestive system

-       Alleviating the discomfort of colic, wind and constipation

-       Helping to strengthen the immune system

-       Improving skin condition

-       Alleviating nasal congestion and teething pain

-       Reducing tension

-       Aiding sleep

-       Helping with brain development

-       Weight gain in premature babies

Massaged babies are happy babies

A simple massage can stimulate the ‘feel good’ hormones and reduce the effects of the stress hormone, Cortisol. Massaging your baby creates a positive experience, which in turn helps with your child’s emotional development.

The act of massage itself – the close skin-to-skin physical contact that it encourages – is also very important, helping baby feel loved and secure and strengthening the bond between parent and infant.

Infant massage is good for parents too

Massaging your baby from a young age is one of the most important ways of communicating with him/her as before responding to sounds and sights, your baby will respond to touch.

Tests have revealed that Oxytocin, the hormone that controls feelings of wellbeing and nurturing, is much higher when a mother has massaged her baby. Mothers who suffer from postnatal depression have shown an improvement in their condition when they take up infant massage.

Dads too can benefit.  Research has shown that fathers, who massage their babies regularly, interact much better with them overall.

When to massage your baby

For your baby to enjoy the massage experience they need to be comfortable, warm and relaxed. Choose a time of day when your baby is content and alert – not near nap or feeding time. You may find that introducing a massage into your baby’s routine before or after a bath works well.

Find a place where you can lay your baby out on a warm rug or towel in front of you – the floor, bed or sofa are ideal. Ensure the room is warm and that there is no overhead lights shining directly into your baby’s eyes.

With warm hands, remove your baby’s clothes (it’s up to you whether you want to keep a nappy on) and choose your massage oil.

Using a lotion or oil will help reduce friction and make the massage more soothing. There are lots of lovely organic baby massage oils on the market, but a quality vegetable or olive oil works just as well.  Whether you choose lotion or oil, place a penny-sized amount in your palm and rub your hands together to distribute.

Now you’re ready to begin.

Baby massage technique

Below is a step-by-step baby massage technique from the NCT – the UK’s largest charity for parents:

Before beginning, ‘ask permission’ by rubbing a little oil between your hands over your baby, and saying ‘can I give you a massage?’ This may sound a little crazy but your baby will become familiar with this visual cue and know that massage is about to start.

Once you have ‘asked permission,’ gently hold one of your baby’s legs between your palms.

Then, with one hand, hold your baby’s ankle securely. Mould your other hand around the top of your baby’s thigh, then slide it down the leg towards the ankle. Aim for a ‘milking’ action – as if you were milking a cow!

Then swap hands and repeat. Always keep your baby’s ankle supported and use slow, flowing strokes.

Next, cradle your baby’s foot in your hands and use your thumbs to stroke over the sole of the foot from heel to toes, one thumb after another. This can also be done on the top of the foot. Gently squeeze and rub each toe between your thumb and finger.

Then, holding your baby’s foot in your hands, press the pads of your thumbs all over the sole of the foot, like a cat padding a cushion.

Finish by repeating the ‘milking’ stroke in the opposite direction, i.e. from ankle to thigh.

For more information on baby massage visit:

Babymassageireland.com
Johnstonsbaby.co.uk
Guild of Sensory Development – Gicm.org.uk
Nct.org.uk

Types of bullying

Bullying takes on many forms but these can generally be split into four categories:

1. Verbal bullying – when someone is being called names and is being picked on because of their weight, height, race, appearance etc…

2. Physical bullying – when someone is hit, punched, pushed, has something taken from them or is abused in any form or physical or sexual way.

3. Social bullying – when someone is deliberately excluded from a group activity.

4. Cyber bullying – the use of technology via chat rooms, text messages, email, social networks etc…to bully.

Signs of bullying in your child

Many kids are embarrassed to be bullied and may not tell their parents right away. If your child comes to you and asks for help with a bully, take it seriously.

Even if your child doesn’t turn to you for help, you can watch for warning signs that he or she is being bullied.

Vey often the first signs that your child is being bullied will be a change in his or her behaviour. She/he may appear more irritable, emotional and angry and may make up excuses to get out of going to school.

Other signs of bullying include coming home with cuts, scratches or bruises. Coming home with missing books or lost/damaged personal items, changing their normal route home or become more reclusive and socialising less with friends.

Fact: Every day in the UK, nearly 160,000 children miss school because they are scared of bullying, according to the National Education Association.

Discussing bullying with your child

As soon as you become aware that something may be wrong, it’s important to address the issue. Sit your child down in a quiet place at an appropriate time and ask him/her if everything is okay. Encourage him/her to talk to you about school and friends. He/she is unlikely to tell you directly that are being bullied, so listen out for anything that sounds unusual or out of place.

Once you have got him/her to talk about what is bothering them, try to get them to be specific in describing bullying incidents – who, what, where and when as you will need this information to report back to the school/club or parent of the bully.

Let your child know that’s it’s okay to talk about his or her feelings and reassure them that telling on a bully is the right thing to do.

Comfort him/her that they have made the right choice by telling you about the incident/s and assure them that they are not to blame.

How to make the bullying stop

• Report the incident to the teacher/school.
• Encourage you child to make new friends.
• Get to know their friends by inviting them round to play.
• Help your child act with self-confidence. Teach him/her to walk upright, look people in the eye, and speak clearly.
• Teach him or her to avoid the situations where they are most vulnerable – for example in the playground or walking home, encourage them to stay with friends or an adult/supervising teacher.
• Encourage your child to get involved in after school activities and clubs to make new friends.
• Enrol your child in a self-defence sport such as karate to boost their confidence physically.
• Make sure your child knows who they can turn to for help should the bullying happen again.

Focus on Cyber bullying

While traditional play ground bullying takes place in the open and is face-to-face, you child can be the target of cyber bullying at any time or place via their computer or mobile phone, and because it can happen when they are on their own, behind closed doors – no one may even realise it is going on.

Recent studies showed that one third of children are being cyber bullied and according to Beatbullying, victims are most likely to be aged between 11-18 – with girls four times more likely than boys to be victims.

In order to protect your child from cyber bullying you need to be Internet savvy yourself and be aware how and when they are accessing their phone or Internet.

For more advice on bullying visit www.bullying.co.uk, www.kidscape.org.uk or ncp.org

Everyone will be offering up ‘expert’ advice on how to be a good dad and you’ll hear endless tales of how this baby will change your life.

The truth is that becoming a dad will change things, instantly. The moment that baby is born you’ll board an emotional roller coaster that will last a lifetime and you’ll face some of the toughest physical and mental challenges of your adult life.

Being a parent isn’t easy, but it is one of the most incredible and rewarding things a person can experience. In preparation for this incredible journey, here are a few things that every new dad-to-be needs to know…

1. This will be the biggest test of your life

You’ve passed your driving text, scored ace results in exams, been promoted in work…in short, you think you’ve done pretty well in life and can cope with anything. Well, all that could be about to change. Nothing can really prepare you for the arrival of a squirming, screaming, 7lb bundle of baby.  Every single task that you are faced with will be new and daunting – even holding your new baby in your arms is likely to bring on a panic attack, I mean, what if you drop him!

Chances are, all this will all be new to the mother of your baby too. The difference is that she’s just given birth while you stood on the sidelines, so after the delivery you’ll be expected to step up and be a father.

2. It’s not all about you any more

Nights out with the lads; evenings spent on the X-Box; afternoons watching the match… these are all things you can take for granted when the only person you need to think about is yourself.  Once you become a dad, without even asking, your baby will automatically make himself the number one priority in your life.  Suddenly everything you do will be for the benefit of your family. By all means, schedule in time with your mates, but be prepared to block out most evenings and days off to wash, feed and entertain baby, catch up on neglected household chores or simply sleep!

3. The three Es – Exhaustion, Exasperation, Emotion

You’ll become very familiar with the three Es, we promise. Exhaustion we’ll discuss later, so let’s begin with exasperation. If you’re not familiar with the feeling, exasperation is another word for frustration, annoyance and irritation.  Of course you’ll feel a deep and powerful love for your new baby, but boy will he challenge you. He will cry for hours, sometimes non-stop and you will try everything to make him stop. You’ll see if he needs changed, try him with food, check if he has a temperature or needs winded…and still he cries.  Eventually you’ll learn that babies do that sometimes – they cry and cry and cry and that’s when you’ll feel exasperated and rather over emotional.

4. You’ll suffer severe sleep deprivation

You may not be the one breastfeeding three times during the night, but you will probably be lying there awake in silent sympathy wishing you could help and changing the odd nappy in an attempt to make yourself useful. Unless you lock yourself away in a sound proof room every night (not recommended for the sake of your relationship) you will have sleepless nights for weeks, months or even years. This will have a profound effect on your emotions, relationship and even work. Whereas you used to enjoy catching the odd late night movie, you’ll be lucky if you can keep your eyes open for the 10 O’clock news.

5. Sex changes

Don’t try and pretend you haven’t worried about how a new baby will affect your sex life. Truth is, it will and not in a good way.  For a start, you’ll think about sex differently – it’s hard not to have a different view of the vagina when you’ve seen a head come out of it. Then there’s the fact that you have to wait a good few weeks before you can even attempt penetration, and when you can, you’ll probably both be too exhausted to bother. Plus it can be hard to get in the mood when you smell of baby sick, are surrounded by stinking nappies and expect the baby to wake at any minute. The good news is that nature has a will and a way and in time, your sex life should recover.

6. You need to learn new skills

You may be a pro at painting and wallpapering, but the skills that a new dad needs to learn are very different. How to change a nappy; how to bath a wiggling new born; how to sterilise a bottle…the list is endless and there’s no manual that will teach you all you need to know. These are vital life skills that you’ll pick up quickly because you have no choice.

7. Babies are expensive

They may be small, but babies cost a fortune.  Surveys vary – some quote a baby will cost as much as £10,000 in its first year, others put the figure at less than £2,000 – clearly it depends on whether you like your designer labels or not, but whatever way you look at it, you’ll have less money to spend on yourself now than you did before baby’s arrival. Clothes, food, childcare, the bills mount up and there’s no end in sight as most children stay living with their parents well beyond their 18^th birthday.

8. Your baby needs you

One-on-one bonding with your baby is very important. Even before your baby can smile, he needs your love and cuddles to thrive in life.  Hold him close, talk to him, look him in the eye and let him know he is safe and loved. This interaction with your new baby will create an intimate bond that is priceless.

9. You’re part of a team

You, your baby and the baby’s mother- you’re a team now and there’s no ‘I’ in team.  Learning to think of others before yourself is something you’ll need to grasp pretty quickly if you’re going to be good at parenting. You may have done a days work but that doesn’t mean you can come home and put your feet up. A baby isn’t a 9-5 job and by the time you get home, your wife/partner will have spent all day with a demanding, crying baby and will probably need a break, if only to get a shower. Be thoughtful and supportive and your relationship will be all the better for it.

10. There’s only one thing you can’t do

Remember that in this whole parenting challenge, there’s only one thing you physically can’t do, and that’s breast feed. Everything else is possible. You may not think you have maternal instincts or the skills to bring up a baby, but you do and will. Trust in yourself and try and enjoy the whole experience. You may not score a perfect ten for your first nappy change, but you’ll get better, we promise!

Parenting isn’t easy and being a ‘good’ parent is even harder.

Here are the top ten parenting resolutions that we hope will make your year ahead as a parent more fun, enjoyable and rewarding for the family as a whole.

Try to laugh more each day

Laughter is one of the most undervalued parenting tools.  Children laugh up to 400 times a day, but for us adults, it’s a totally different story.  The average adult laughs only 4-6 times a day, if they are lucky! When laughter is shared it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy. Laughter is also good for your health as it strengthens your immune system, boosts your energy, helps diminish pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. Best of all, it’s fun, free, and easy to use.

More one-to-one time

Family time is very important, but not at the sacrifice one-on-one time with your child.  ‘Special time’ is essential for creating an imitate bond and a mutual trust – key ingredients for successful parenting. One-on-one time works best when it occurs regularly and is fun ‘free’ time, rather than involving errands or chores.

Learn to cut yourself some slack

It’s tough being a parent; so don’t start the year with unrealistic expectations of yourself. There’s no point making resolutions such as ‘I will not shout’ or ‘I will never use the word ‘no’”, as this just isn’t going to happen. You’re a parent, but you’re also human, and humans mess up from time to time.  Expect set backs and just keep on trying – overall you’re doing a great job.

Stop expecting perfection

This rule applies to both yourself and your children.  We’ve covered not being too hard on yourself above, but it’s equally as important to have realistic expectations of your child. You may have asked her to do A, but she is just as likely to do, B, C or D, because that’s what children do. They challenge us and constantly push the boundaries (and our patience). Children are many things, but they are rarely perfect; even those sweetly smiling children that look perfect won’t be  – ask their parents if you don’t believe me!

Focus on the good stuff

It’s all too easy to become focused on the wrong that our children do, or on those parts of their character that we are trying to change. Sometimes you can be looking so hard for the swearing, nose picking or tantrums, that you miss all the good parts of your child’s character. Gentleness, creativity, kindness, humour etc…are very easily missed and yet they are the characteristics that parents should be rewarding.  Make an effort to give praise where praise is due and your child will reward you for it.

Mean what you say

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Children take what their parents say on a very literal level, so be very clear with your requests. You say, “Clean your room” and your child hears, “shove everything under the bed out of sight.” Instead say, “please put your dirty clothes in the washing up basket and your toys in the toy box”. This is a simple instruction that can’t be misinterpreted.

Similarly if you promise to do something, make sure you follow through with that promise – otherwise you will loose your child’s trust and respect.

Be a mother and a partner/wife

Being a parent is a huge responsibility and a mammoth task, but you’re not just a Mum or a Dad, you’re also a wife or husband, lover, friend, daughter or son…Make sure you set time aside to be yourself and to spend with the other people you love in life. Make the effort to have a date night every week, arrange to meet friends for coffee, book a romantic night away. Learn that it’s ok to be selfish and enjoy time without your children every now and then.

Introduce new foods to the menu

Stuck in a food rut serving the same dinners week in week out? Use the new year, when the supermarkets tend to focus on healthy foods, as the excuse to introduce your family to some exciting new tastes. Try to cook one new dinner a week – they might not all get the thumbs up, but at least you are encouraging your children to try new foods and be adventurous at the dinner table.

Make exercise fun

After the excesses of Christmas, you might have put on a pound or two and set yourself a new year’s resolution to loose some weight.  And it’s not just adults that are showing the signs of over indulgence – it’s a startling fact that one in four children in Ireland are over weight or obese.  In addition to eating healthily, try to do more exercise together as a family. Walking, swimming, bike riding, tennis, and football…all these forms of exercise can be fun when done together.

Finally….

Stop spending so much time worrying about being a good parent and actually enjoy the process of raising your children.  Your time with them is precious and they grow up so quickly, so treasure each moment.

Image courtesy of Baby Jake, the hit CBeebies TV show

If you’ve seen the hit CBeebies show Baby Jake, you’ll know that it follows the imaginary adventures of a baby whose giggles and gurgles are translated into words by his six year old brother, Isaac.

Most parents will think that this is simply fiction and it is just not possible to understand their baby’s facial expressions, noises and cries; however, according to award-winning author and pre-language expert Vivien Sabel, it is possible.

Vivien has revealed some useful tips to help parents better understand their baby’s cries, gurgles and body language. Using her Blossom Method™ approach, she can help parents to understand and communicate with their baby from birth. Vivien’s advice aims to help parents recognise their child’s hunger, tiredness and discomfort before they have reached the crying stage.

Baby talk

Vivien’s top six tips to help parent’s communicate more effectively with their baby include:

1. 1. Look at your baby’s eyes and eyebrows – if you see darkening beneath the eyebrow area or around the eyes this can often be a clue to tiredness. Babies will also feel warmer when they are tired.
2. 2. Familiarise yourself with the smell of your baby’s breath. Changes can often indicate ill health. My daughter’s breath has a glue-like quality before she showed signs of ill health.
3. 3. In support of communication, mirror your baby’s expressions as they may be trying to tell you something. Mirroring their facial expressions will see the beginning of your conversations and is a wonderful way to bond with your baby.
4. 4. Look out for an arched back and a taut tummy. These may be signs of discomfort as a result of constipation or wind.
5. 5. Look at your baby’s lower jaw and lips. Fullness of the lips and a relaxed lower jaw could be an indicator of wind.
6. 6. Keep a keen eye on your baby’s tongue. The tongue is used to indicate hunger, or a need for comfort. The three components of observation, mirroring back and responding within The Blossom Method™ will ensure you are communicating with your baby from the moment they are born.

Listen out for some of the “Baby Jake-isms” used in the show:

“Awoah” – Hello.
“Goggi-Geeha” – Adventure.
“Baba-shoon”– Goodbye.
“Bockee-Bockee” – Bouncy Bouncy.
“Key-ter” –Tractor