Childbirth: A Dad’s View

On March 16 this year, my wife Clare and I became the proud parents of our first child – a beautiful baby girl, whom we named Lucy.  Being with Clare during Lucy’s delivery was the best thing that’s ever happened to me! It was totally unbelievable. I was, of course, in the supporting role. I simply said very little and just provided everything that Clare asked for: energy drinks, gas and air, back rubbing, gas and air, back rubbing, more gas and air, and yet more gas and air!! Throughout Clare’s pregnancy I was totally adamant that I wouldn’t be looking at what was going on, but, once it was all happening, I couldn’t tear myself away. I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.  I was also able to relay everything that was happening back to Clare, who, by this stage, was as high as volcanic ash!

I would recommend to any man to be present in the delivery room – not necessarily for the gas and air (although some dads might find it helpful!!!), but just for the sheer experience of the whole thing.

I went into the delivery ward expecting screams and shouts, but nothing could have been further from the truth. My memories of the whole experience are a mixture of emotions. The atmosphere was at times calm, at times exciting, at times scary – but it was always amazing. The midwives explained everything step by step as they went along, which really helped both Clare and me. Their input definitely kept both of us calm and relaxed.  They stayed totally cool and, even when things were getting tense, they did a wonderful job – in conjunction with the doctor – to bring Lucy into the world!

Up until Lucy’s birth, I didn’t want to deal with any emotions. I suppose I was fearful of anything going wrong and I didn’t want to think about anything! With fatherhood pending, you tend to feel a bit powerless. It’s the mum-to-be, who’s dealing with all the ‘real’ aspects of pregnancy; the pain, the sickness, the hormones raging. Many men, like myself, can feel a bit useless. The pregnancy often doesn’t become real until your baby is actually physically there. I attended the parenting classes, of course, and they were great.  I even watched that programme on TV ‘One born every minute’, which, I can tell you, scared the life out of me! Throughout Clare’s pregnancy I would have loved to have read an article about ‘labour – the dad’s story’, but I couldn’t find anything that specifically related to this.

While everyone tells you how wonderful the experience is, I don’t think anyone can prepare you for being present at the birth of a baby. As with many men, I didn’t like the fact that Clare seemed to be in so much pain, but when Lucy was born I can honestly say that, in that one instant, my life was transformed. I realised that this little person was going to be dependent on me for the next sixteen years (at least!) and I had to make her the centre of my life.

Some dads I know had told me that I would connect with my child instantly … I thought it was all just cool talk, but, for me, it was definitely true. Although I had been really scared prior to Lucy being born, the moment that I saw her I knew that it was the best moment of my life. You can’t predict how your life will change, but if I had to go through it all again tomorrow, I wouldn’t do anything differently.

To all dads-to-be out there I can honestly say that it’s the best experience ever. Enjoy!